Biko, What Is Boyfriend/Girlfriend??

I woke up from sleep and literally started writing this, woke up the next morning and saw I had written a whole piece- scary but here it is-
‎I was thinking of writing a rom com series once and it would start like this- Here's Yorkie meet Brad, Brad meet Yorkie and then I would ingenuously call it “Brad and Yorkie”, you can’t make these things up. In the pilot episode, Yorkie asked her friend what does a boyfriend mean and her friend says “A boyfriend is a guy that’s a friend that commits” Yorkie laughs and asks “so why are people always wanting one? Why can’t we have many?” and then Yorkie, without intention, started a chain reaction amongst her friends and the world by being Polyandrous by mistake. It then became a trend. Of course, she then fell in love and realized one man was enough blah blah but point is I really did wonder- what truly is this term “boyfriend/girlfriend”, what exactly does this title give and what duties are bound to it that we crucify men/women for not fulfilling it.
I think we probably first need to address the myth of boyfriend and girlfriend- somehow these days having a boyfriend or a girlfriend warrants a “congratulations” greeting like one just won the lottery or even got a ring. I can’t even begin to imagine what happens when the ring comes and then marriage- I am guessing a full on parade with confetti and rice in the air (sounds very Caucasian, I know). I am not a feminist… I am a realist. What I don’t understand is from this BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND title that bears no status in the court of law or even within family why must I or him fulfill oh so many duties like pay my bills, cook his meals, give me money when I am broke, help me with my life decisions etc. I think that is a lot of pressure before the word “marriage” comes into the mix. Not all relationships last, why now put in so much investment into something that will inevitably end? Don’t get me wrong, you can be committed but you don’t need to commit your mind body and soul IF you haven’t decided this is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life.
Courting back in the day was the process leading to marriage or basically the preview to see if you wanted to knock her over the head with a club and drag her by the hair to your man cave but NOW courting itself seems to be the marriage itself. I get very disturbed when my friends tell me “he said because I didn’t give him money now when he was down or help him that means I don’t ride for him”. Of course I am confused, first off why you riding anywhere? Did he buy you the car, bicycle or even the hoover board to ride anywhere to that he expects you to sacrifice your own financial needs for him? A lot of women and men are not ready to sacrifice but want to enjoy someone else’s sacrifice and use that as a basis of why I couldn’t marry you- no, that is NOT how it works. If ANYONE loves you, they would never want to see you suffer or be deprived on their behalf and frankly if you are in a relationship with someone who isn’t ready to sacrifice for you- you need to check your own behavior or accept you are both not on the same page.
What is “boyfriend/girlfriend”? Some of our parents will tell you “that is child’s play my dear”. If I am performing the duties of a wife/husband now, why I’m I not recognized in your household as wife/husband? Why aren’t we living together in matrimony?
Life isn’t as complicated as many of us would like to think, we all want, well most of us want to be in love, married and happy but if you have not put a ring on your partner’s finger or you are not engaged to him, you are not entitled to all duties of a man and woman as stated in the bible or whichever religious book you follow.
Love is so great when it’s mutual, don’t put pressure on a relationship because of your friend’s marriage or someone else’s marriage when you haven’t taken that step to making your relationship reach that stage. A lot of people reading this will say “then how will I know if I want to marry the person if they aren’t acting right now?” Isn’t that what PLAIN courting and dating is? What you experience now in the relationship will not change in the marriage- it will only heighten. You can CLEARLY tell when you are loved and when you are being managed/tolerated- you can tell the signs, if you want to- love is not blind, it is accommodating and with all accommodations there is 1star and 7 star accommodation- choose which you can afford to stay in for the rest of your life by what you provide, we all have choices. I understand your plight still but there are other ways to know if you want to be with someone forever outside money/cooking etc. It should be about the connection you built first, the strong foundation you feel before anything else.
Love love, not the idea of it and that boyfriend/girlfriend you are with will not just be that title but your best friend, then you will know you have made the right decision and he/she will ride for you always- there is no stronger bond than TRUE love.
This has been a public service announcement.

Original post culled from