MY OPEN MARRIAGE

Hey guys, I know it has been IONS! As my friend had said to me- “now that you are no longer bitter, the posts are not coming” lol imagine! But I just got REALLY busy with building the career I want.
ANYHOO! I am here now, so let us make the best of it… MISEDUCATION OF MIMI!
Now the topic, I know what you thinking, it’s not THAT open, I wanted to talk about the importance of being honest in a relationship and most importantly to others. You see, we all live in the matrix now- the Matrix meaning every moment we have in life, we seem to want to share on social media but the thing is we only pick the good moments. The pictures that show you vacationing with your spouse in Vegas but doesn’t show the fight that you guys just had after that post or the pictures of the perfect baby but doesn’t show that you had postpartum depression. What I am talking about here is my open life, I have an open life.
<--- Even on my Save-the-date invitation I clearly indicated ‘ups and downs but 3 yrs later’ because it is important for me to show the true nature of life and not what fantasies we paint that inevitably affect others from getting their happiness.
My husband isn’t perfect, in fact far from it, but he is mine and he makes me very happy but then again what he does to make me happy is not what would make you happy, so why compare my happiness to yours? Or even think you want it?
People tell me I am skinny etc. I do not have weight problems but do you know for a long time I was ashamed to go out with my husband? I felt ugly, I felt fat and I felt miserable about my body; I couldn’t fully walk around naked around him. I kept feeling sorry for myself but others saw a nicely shaped woman and all I saw was a woman who couldn’t fit into her clothes anymore and may lose her husband cause of a little weight gain. I should have had more faith in my husband, I realise that now and realised that every time he teased me it is because he was playing with me and had no idea what I was really going through and how did I know this? I spoke to other married people. I just thought of my husband and even myself as shallow but once I told him how I felt, everything changed.  I joined the gym, I changed my diet, got my hair did, sowing new clothes and just learning to love myself- I am open.
Before my wedding, we had to go through the mandatory marriage counselling and our pastor told us that we should not discuss our marital problems with anyone, it is between us etc. although I completely understand his point as everyone is not always for us but I didn’t completely agree with that. I believe that as long as I serve God, there will be that person he would give me that represents his goodness on earth- be it my mother, sister, whoever. I believe there is always someone you can talk to, even if it is your dog, it is not kept within and killing you. Another thing I believe in is the internet, anytime I am going through something, I always google that problem, be it medical or just relationship issues and there is always someone’s story I read that I can relate you- this is why it is important to share your testimony, there is always someone that I feel connected to. I am not necessarily doing it to find a cure but just to feel connected and know I am not alone, ever.
A friend of mine hit me up because she saw a cute guy, I said he was married and then she said ‘all the good ones are married’. I laughed with her but then I first paused and asked “but what how do you know he is a good one?”
Marriage isn’t easy and though I haven’t experienced the ‘hard’ parts yet like I always hear about, I know it is also not easy and I will not pretend that it ever is and that is the problem in itself- the pretending and the perception we give others.
I read a few articles about Tonto Dike’s situation and how she felt she had to lie to the world she had a good marriage and how her husband bought her the world etc. A fan of hers called her out basically stating that she was lying to people who held on to her every word and even wanted that life, giving people that false hope of happiness like her and all along it was a lie. What I didn’t understand was why did she have to share ANYTHING with us? Why did you have to paint this façade? Why did she need to post anything and all I could think of was – this was her only outlet, she was trapped in her own story, she had nowhere else to turn to but to paint a dream which she prayed inevitably her husband would accept could be reality- having a happy wife.
When it came to my wedding, I refused to post anything on social media, I made sure I informed people of my marital status but the rest was mine, it was all mine and I chose a selected few that I wanted to share this moment with. People didn’t believe I would have only 200 people at my wedding (I mean it was 250 but yea you get it). Was anyone less important to me than the other? No, I just wanted to be what a wedding should be about- the couple and no one else. It was an open wedding and everyone was allowed to connect with us and see up close what this wedding situation should really be like- just us and close people. This is what relationships should be, just honesty, just peace… just simple, anything else is instability.
 
The point of this post is simple- just be honest with yourself, YOU DO NOT NEEEDDD TO POST ANYTHING ON SOCIAL MEDIA! Stop selling a life you do not have especially when there is someone else sharing it with you, have an open life, if you are going through something, share. If you are happy share, if you need someone to talk to, reach out. Have an open marriage, have an open life, and live this life for you ONLY and not others.

Original post culled from http://miseducationofmimi.blogspot.com/2017/04/my-open-marriage.html