Relationships: The Distractions

Greetings Mortals,
I know it’s been a while but I feel maybe this topic hasn’t been addressed before and that is Distractions in relationships. Now I read my dear friend, Mimi's post "But all men cheat" and it got me thinking, she was of course referring to the physical act of cheating but there are of course many ways to cheat.
I know that even in my younger single life I had people well wives and girlfriends hating on me and I never understood why exactly. I never slept with their men but I was guilty of giving them my attention, my time and worse them smiling after being with me or talking to me. I even had comments in the past from them “I wish my girlfriend was more like you”. Now anyone who knows what I look like will know I am not  a “Naomi Campbell”, I just simply understood I was a distraction from his reality- simple. It is not that I enjoyed it but something told me that they needed it for some reason. I’m not saying we exchanged dirty talks but what I have come to understand in relationships that people don’t like to talk about are the distractions that come with it only the fairy tales and problems but never the distractions.
I was talking to a dear male friend of mine and I asked him about ever thinking about or being with somebody else even though he is in a committed relationship. He said to me “there are distractions everyday and everywhere”. I completely understood what he was saying because even women are guilty of having distractions in their relationships; we’re just better at covering it up than men.
 I actually think distractions in relationships are healthy. Think of a long distance relationship (without the sucky part of being away from each other) there is always that excitement after not seeing your partner after a long period of time. There is some excitement of sorts, like the love is still like when you first met, that is what distractions are like. That’s how I see distractions; you went outside but STILL came back to me because it’s me who makes you happy good times or bad.
When your partner annoys you, all people in relationships have that person they turn to make them feel good about him or herself be it man or woman. The person could be “just a friend”, an ex, a former fling, a crush, someone you could HAVE been with but it never was. Sometimes that possibility of never being able to have that person you turn to helps you cherish your relationship better. Don’t get me wrong, there are the “very bad” distractions, the ones who make you forget your relationship duties but I say if it gets to that extent then MAYBE you should be trying to work on fixing that relationship or leave cause it is no more a distraction it is now a need for change.
I am not yet married but I know relationships. I do understand the need to make you feel like you matter when you don’t hear the exact words of awesomeness from your partner. Distractions don’t always have to be bad. Sometimes you need to let off the steam before facing your partner with a problem you both have had for a while.
I personally don’t object to distractions. We are human and of course there is the myth that there is one person made for one person but can we consider that there is not just one mind made for one mind? It is just a thought.
We have different sides to ourselves- your significant other may not be your “spec” but you fell in love anyway, sometimes there is that need to have your spec in close proximity to make life a bit easier. There are different sides to us that’s why, sometimes we have different circle of friends to ease each side. You need to understand I am not promoting cheating of any kind but sometimes it is easier to accept we all have a side to us we are not proud of so we can understand our partners or even potential boyfriends/girlfriends better and know if it is a situation you want to be in- that is IF you know about this said distraction or not.
I have been treated as an option before, I have been someone’s distraction and knowing you are sometimes is not the best feeling especially if you’re single. Why? Because you start to question/doubt yourself- ‘will I ever be more than this in life?’ It is a horrid feeling. I honestly believe that if I have to wait for someone to make up his mind about me while I wait till all his distractions go away- then I will never be secure in that relationship. There is nothing better than being seen, chosen and chased – one time. Having that feeling of it just being you and no one else, precious.
We all use each other one way or the other- saint or sinner- we’ve used people once in our lifetimes.
I am not condoning I repeat any form of cheating but it’s the sheer fact we need to understand the need for a distraction for the longevity of a relationship- weird I know but like I said, no one really touches on this topic and come from this angle.
When you know what/who you want it becomes easier to stay on one path but if you did stray, if you did have a distraction be it in form of a person or an activity- it is understandable. When you are tied to someone forever, you’ll understand better.
Do what you need to do to be a better husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife but be one that you can look at in the mirror and feel proud about. Don’t be an option, a distraction or a cheat- just be happy.
This has been a public service announcement.

Original post culled from