The Fat Skinny Sickler Complex
Let me first say a MASSIVE sorry for not posting anything in yonks. It’s been a case of life taking over my writing……. until this morning.
Please note: this post is from a female’s perspective so any male ones out there please let me know if you go through the same. I was idly scrolling through my instagram posts….. as you do and I saw this post that made me stop dead in my tracks.
Now everyone is entitled to an opinion, we wouldn’t be human beings if we didn’t, so everyone with a chronic illness can related to the statements within that post. Over the years I’ve pretty much hardened my heart against them but the statement “Maybe if you exercise and lose a little weight…” sliced open an old wound that obviously I had ‘moved past’ but not necessarily dealt with.
Let me put some context to this……….. rewind to some years ago, (I daren’t put the number cos……dang I’m getting old), to my first year at university and my first proper relationship let’s call him Douchebag (while forgiven, I still like to think of him in douchebag terms). He knew about my condition, even picked me up from the hospital a couple of times, but there was always that undercurrent of…….
- One of the key rules for exercise or any sport is to always push through the ‘wall’……… so what happens when it’s not your mind that constitutes this wall but also your own body. Don’t get me wrong when I’m on that treadmill I push through as much as I can, then I calculate what other activities I need to do later on that day and the next which makes me stop
- For those body builders out there this is for you. Building muscle tone is a wonderful thing things fit better and well I live for the day that I can wear anything (boobs permitting) and feel great!! Now the downside – when one is in a crisis, and I’m sure a few sicklers can relate, it’s like the body part in question is in a vice that keeps on squeezing. Over the years I have noticed that the more the muscle density the more intense the ‘squeeze’, so now I have an healthy fear of the ever-elusive sixpack. Infact it’s safe to say that I DON’T WANT IT.
I’ve tried all sort exercise, from Pilates to Yoga and well the experience has pretty much been the same……. FEAR! There was a time I would have a Yoga session with an instructor once a week, despite her insistence that I needed more than one session a week. The sessions were going well, I mean my waist was getting smaller and I was more agile than I had been in years. Till that day……. it was one of those ‘push through the wall’ type of days, so like a mumu I did. The session ended and I felt good. Climbed upstairs to have a shower and that is when the fucking Grinch decided to come and play. While it was going on I imagined the following commentary;
- Are you well hydrated before you start exercising – because when you sweat drinking doesn’t replenish fast enough
- Did you have enough sleep the night before – it’s amazing how lack of sleep actually has an adverse effect on sicklers
- While exercising remember to Breathe!! Oxygen intake is important while you are stressing your muscles
- What are your energy levels like before you undertake exercise – if you are on the low side, you might actually be sickling it just hasn’t progressed to full blown crisis, so if you exercise you are putting yourself on a fast-track to the grinch using you as its plaything!!
Back to reason why I started this post……. people will always have their opinions and make requests. It’s allowed, like I say we are all humans but this is what gets my goat.
To my recollection, most of the men in my life that have made that statement have never taken the time out to join me at the gym, or taken a yoga class with me to ‘help’ me attain the adonis body they sooo want me to achieve. One guy actually said this to me “I know you are feeble so even though you should lose a little weight I will accept you as you are…..” *blink blink* Needless to say, that individual does not deserve a derogatory nickname because well he ain’t even worth it.
It’s about finding a balance, you want something you have to work on it, but for the right reasons. I wish I could workout and have a Kim Kardashian butt with washboard abs but it’s not going to happen. I workout to keep myself healthy, building up my endurance, increasing my heart rate and increasing my oxygen intake.
I’m happy with that and any Sickler should be happy with that too. So the next time anyone mentions that phase “Maybe if you exercise and lose a little weight…” to you one of two things should happen;
- Educate them on the reality of the situation and see if you both can go on that journey together
- OR simply put – tell them to FUCK right off and go suck on an egg 😀
December 27, 2015 @ 4:35 pm
Lovely write up, puts things in perspective for sure. Anyone who talks down on you, isn’t deserving of your time at all.
Sidenote : is there a reason you still use the term “sickler”? It has so much negative and derogatory attached to it, don’t you think? Lol. Let’s stop using that to describe the many fierce fighters fighting SCD please.
December 27, 2015 @ 4:48 pm
Hello Ibbzter………. this is one of those OTT PC moments. A word only has as much power as you put stock in it. For me its just a title, my blood sickles from time to time and so I term myself as a Sickler. If anyone has a problem with it, frankly thats their problem. If anyone thinks its a derogatory term, then its on them. I know what I go through on a daily basis with this chronic disease and I am not a victim, so the “negativity” attached to the term doesn’t affect me and it shouldn’t affect any Sicklers out there. Another reason for me using the description ‘Sickler’ is because when writing using terms like “Sicklecell Warriors” or “person with Sickle” takes tooo damn long. Plus using the term “Sicklecell Warrior” sounds like I’m trying to convince myself and everyone else that I’m a fighter – I don’t feel the need to do that because hey! it is what it is……. don’t feel the need to beat people to death with it. I’m not a victim, I’m not disadvantaged I have a medical condition that I’m living with…… and doing a damned good job of it too!! 😀
December 27, 2015 @ 4:36 pm
Once again I learned a lot. With many medical conditions, exercise tends to make things better or prevent future illnesses, but with this situation, I definitely see how it can be walking a tight rope and downright detrimental.phew
December 27, 2015 @ 4:37 pm
Nice…. Very nice read.
December 27, 2015 @ 4:37 pm
Great article. Funny and informative….learnt a lot from it. Keep them coming x
December 27, 2015 @ 4:38 pm
Lol!
July 4, 2016 @ 9:20 pm
M inspired I hav sickle cell myself